this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
