Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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