We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
