Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
