just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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