Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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