Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
