Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
