I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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