Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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