Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
