Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
