Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
