I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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