she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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