It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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