Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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