I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
