I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
