so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
