well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
