she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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