i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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