Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
