i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
