just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
