I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
