he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
