I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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