Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
