Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
