Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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