Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
