i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
