you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
