i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
