You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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