I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
