Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
