I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
