i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
