you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
