Say something about gay babies.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
this hospital has no fireball
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
