can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
