does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
