dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
