I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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