She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
