Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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