Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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