MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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