So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
