i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
