My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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