Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
