We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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