Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
