My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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