He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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