don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
