I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
