SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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