Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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