apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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