i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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