and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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