I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
