My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
